I’m not sure if I’m violating the laws of the blog universe but I saw this on cousin Jana’s page and am running with the idea without being “tagged”. I fully expect the cyber authorities to show up at my door and take away my privileges but I thought it would be an interesting post so here goes. Not sure why I would voluntarily choose to unearth goofy things about myself for public display but here are four weird things about me. It’s supposed to be six but I’ll choose to be thorough with four instead of divulging all my quirks because there are exactly six odd things about me and no more, right?
1.) I’ve got a number phobia of sorts. When listening to the radio or watching TV there are certain volume numbers I cannot leave the dial on. I’m cool with even numbers but simply cannot handle the odds with a few exceptions. Those exceptions would be multiples of five and a number like 11 that is the same going backwards and forwards. So…2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, o.k.…1, 3, 7, 9, 13, no way. I’m not sure if my hearing will suddenly leave me or if my head will suddenly explode if it settles on 7 (strangely my “lucky” number as the date of my birth) but that’s just the way it has to be. If Rachel’s turning things up or down and lands on such a number I will make the adjustment or notify her of the circumstance we find ourselves in. She knows how much it bugs me and it’s rubbed off on her to some extent. Don’t believe it? If you look back you will find all of my post time stamps to be on the “0” or “5”. I manually set them all to avoid numbers that are out of line with my numerical anxieties.
2.) I remember…everything (mostly). Minor vacation details from my childhood, who did what at a sporting event eons ago, who was wearing what at a family event. Of course I can’t remember to do the one small thing Rachel asked me to do during the day unless it’s written on a to-do list. This makes playing games of trivia enjoyable. It’s also interesting to sing along word for word with a song I haven’t heard in years and not only nail it but then immediately start singing the next song on the album because the running order is stuck in my memory bank forever. This propensity for remembering songs comes in handy when you discover Huey Lewis and the News on CD at the library 20 years after you bought the cassette tape with your birthday money and proceed to put on a personal karaoke show in the car track after track.
3.) When I go to certain restaurants I’m there for one item on the menu with zero consideration for alternatives. If I’m at Chili’s it’s Chicken Fajita Quesadillas no questions asked. At Baker’s Square I’m eating the Chicken Cheddar Bacon Melt so don’t even hand me the menu. It may sound boring but I’ve found the one thing makes my tummy smile and the taste buds dance more than anything else so why mess with a good thing? Perhaps I missing out on another item that is superior to my stubborn selection but I’m too busy enjoying my feast to think about it.
4.) I am in a constant state of studying and internet multi-tasking. I used to love watching television and lost all interest in it when I began my first Master’s program. I don’t get reality shows. I’m not interested in strangers’ lives to the point that on a two week break from school I did a self-study on baseball Sabermetrics because I’m just that goofy. I live on my laptop scouring the information super highway for anything new. I can’t even watch my most beloved sports teams without surfing for information and entertainment while semi-viewing. About the only thing I can give full attention to on the screen is a DVD…unless I’ve seen it before then I’m back to half watching while I click away. I’ve even managed to balance video gaming and net surfing, washing the dishes and reading online articles…wireless signals are wonderful!
If I must reach the half dozen requirement I’ll steal Jana’s need to sleep with two pillows. Perhaps that’s more common among the Deurs than I know. I need one to lay my sleepy head on and one to hug. Rachel claims I love my extra pillow more than her. I hope the fact that I sleep restlessly without the secondary pillow and just fine when she’s out of town is not evidence of this. And finally…hmm…shall I recognize my wordiness when reporting things online? A friend once read one of my posted stories on the old site and said it was funny but he could have said the same thing in two sentences. Just trying to entertain…of course if you agree with him you stopped reading many words ago.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Freeze...Now Dance!
I’m changing my name to Jim as I am half dad, half jungle gym. Aidan has even started calling me Jim on occasion thinking my suggestion is simply hilarious. Being together around the clock you sometimes run out of exciting things to do and ultimately end up as something to climb on. There are also times when dad energy runs low before kid energy depletes and you collapse to the floor in exhaustion only to welcome an attack. Kellen’s into it too fearlessly diving into the fray.
We are creative and active in our play time. We play soccer, football and dodge ball (with a harmless beach ball and soft throw rules). We color and play house though it takes me a while to get into character as “the dad”. We dance and race and all that good stuff.
We even found a way to play freeze tag with just two people (Kellen’s often off playing with other things or watching and giggling as Aidan and I chase each other around). Two-man freeze tag would quickly loose its fun if only one participant was mobile so if frozen, one is required to dance and shake off the ice before continuing with the game. Aidan came up with the idea and I think it’s great. He’s very thorough when explaining the rules of each game often requiring me to sit for a minute and take it all in. That’s when Kellen attacks, we roll around on the floor and I become…Jim.
We are creative and active in our play time. We play soccer, football and dodge ball (with a harmless beach ball and soft throw rules). We color and play house though it takes me a while to get into character as “the dad”. We dance and race and all that good stuff.
We even found a way to play freeze tag with just two people (Kellen’s often off playing with other things or watching and giggling as Aidan and I chase each other around). Two-man freeze tag would quickly loose its fun if only one participant was mobile so if frozen, one is required to dance and shake off the ice before continuing with the game. Aidan came up with the idea and I think it’s great. He’s very thorough when explaining the rules of each game often requiring me to sit for a minute and take it all in. That’s when Kellen attacks, we roll around on the floor and I become…Jim.
Antler Confusion
This is old news to us but I thought it worth sharing with the farmers and coffee drinkers in our lives.
Aidan’s quite into John Deere tractors after receiving a few related toys for Christmas. Shortly after moving up to Minnesota, he kept shouting out “John Deere!” as we moved about running errands. We were a bit confused seeing no tractors or implement dealerships in the area.
We finally solved the mystery…
Aidan’s quite into John Deere tractors after receiving a few related toys for Christmas. Shortly after moving up to Minnesota, he kept shouting out “John Deere!” as we moved about running errands. We were a bit confused seeing no tractors or implement dealerships in the area.
We finally solved the mystery…
It seems there is enough similarity between the logos of John Deere and the Caribou Coffee chain to warrant some confusion when driving by at 40 miles and hour.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Reading and Running
I used to be in the habit of reading two books at a time…one for faith and one for fun. Then in March of 2006 the beginning of my MBA program knocked most of my leisure reading right out the window. With a growing stack of unread books on my shelves I promised myself that I’d start reading material of my own choosing regularly when the degree concluded. I also threatened to start running to ensure that my body would not go into lockdown at age 30.
The end of the MBA studies came in October of last year and then I found my way right into a second degree. I’m certain it was not to avoid the running or the reading but nonetheless the extra time still was not there.
I’ve got two classes to go in my Master’s of Human Resources but am on sabbatical from tests and textbooks until things are settled here in Minneapolis. I’m happy to say that I’m on track again with the reading and actually left the house for a run this evening (for the sake of fair reporting I should call it a half-and-half run/walk…you’ve got to work into these things!).
I’ll post the books I’m reading to the right as I’ve seen on some other’s blogs. I’ll post nothing on the running regimen unless noteworthy events provide appropriate humor for sharing. That barking dog tonight might have been something of note had my high energy tunes not been blasting into my ears from the iPod.
The end of the MBA studies came in October of last year and then I found my way right into a second degree. I’m certain it was not to avoid the running or the reading but nonetheless the extra time still was not there.
I’ve got two classes to go in my Master’s of Human Resources but am on sabbatical from tests and textbooks until things are settled here in Minneapolis. I’m happy to say that I’m on track again with the reading and actually left the house for a run this evening (for the sake of fair reporting I should call it a half-and-half run/walk…you’ve got to work into these things!).
I’ll post the books I’m reading to the right as I’ve seen on some other’s blogs. I’ll post nothing on the running regimen unless noteworthy events provide appropriate humor for sharing. That barking dog tonight might have been something of note had my high energy tunes not been blasting into my ears from the iPod.
Monday, April 14, 2008
VIDEO: Aidan's Favorite Jokes
A giggly Aidan shares some of his comedic side. The last joke is a repeat of the first...a bit of an outtake.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
PHOTOS: Kellen's First Haircut
Certain members of the household finally conceeded that it was time for Kellen to shed some of his baby locks. Dangerously close to sprouting a full fledged mullet, it was time for a trim.
BEFORE
DURING
AFTER
Friday, April 11, 2008
The New House!
The question I get most often is..."When are we going to see pictures of the house?!?!"
So here we go...a little at a time.
DISCLAIMER: To the likely horror of my wife I am about to share some pictures with a complete disregard for the fact that we've got nothing on the walls and have not fully decorated and coordinated everything. Rather than wait several months for all of this to come to fruition, I will strategically frame things and reveal them in proper time.
As more rooms take shape I'll get some visuals out there. Until then...
So here we go...a little at a time.
DISCLAIMER: To the likely horror of my wife I am about to share some pictures with a complete disregard for the fact that we've got nothing on the walls and have not fully decorated and coordinated everything. Rather than wait several months for all of this to come to fruition, I will strategically frame things and reveal them in proper time.
As more rooms take shape I'll get some visuals out there. Until then...
Our new little spot in the world.
PHOTOS: The Kitchen
As the resident house husband I spend a lot of time in the kitchen preparing elaborate meals, washing dishes and picking up all the things that Kellen digs out of the cupboards.
Aidan enthusiastically volunteered to act as a human prop for this one. I think the giant kitchen window is one of the cooler features of the house and this gives you an idea of just how big it is. On a sunny day it brings a lot of light into the kitchen! NOTE: Five minutes later the neighbor’s remodeling dumpster was removed.
The kitchen is this clean at two very specific times. The first is when I'm preparing for pictures. The second is 10 minutes before Rachel gets home (on most days).
Aidan enthusiastically volunteered to act as a human prop for this one. I think the giant kitchen window is one of the cooler features of the house and this gives you an idea of just how big it is. On a sunny day it brings a lot of light into the kitchen! NOTE: Five minutes later the neighbor’s remodeling dumpster was removed.
VIDEO: Kellen's Bathroom Tour
Kellen showcases his new fondness for climbing in this tour of the boys' bathroom. I figure you know what a bathroom looks like so rather than bore you with the visuals I'll let Kellen give you his verbal explanation.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Cyber Games and Corndogs
It’s amazing how quickly kids pick up on things. I don’t doubt that one day a fully functioning adult will stop in and look dreadfully uncomfortable playing the Wii with us and yet the four year old wonder kid is figuring some things out before we do. He’s a champion bowler, working on his tennis game and golf…well, we’ve got a long way to go on golf. It’s much fun to interact with him in an active setting even when he’s making you look bad. Watching him figure out how to play better and better is quite a sight. I’m doing a lot less coaching now and spending much more time trying to figure out how to keep my skills ahead of his.
My favorite recently developed Wii-action (that’s reaction with a Wii…I’m so clever) is that we must cross our arms in an “X” every time one of us throws a strike and then bump chests. Post-bump giggling is optional but seldom avoided. We’re having a great time and he’s being very cooperative about the limitations we’re placing on the time we spend in such activities.
I was curious to see what else was out there for the system and he caught me watching videos of the forthcoming Mario Kart online. The cartoon racing game is so cool it comes with a steering wheel to play the game with. For the first time in his young life Aidan decided his piggy bank needed to be utilized so he could go to the store and buy it. I helped lower his hyperventilation and tried to distract him with other conversations. He’ll have to learn patience as the game is not out yet and I’m thinking a habit of spending our saved cash on such things is not the way to go. Well just have to get it for Rachel’s birthday…kidding…maybe.
In other news, Aidan’s new favorite food is corn dogs proving that there is indeed Iowa blood running through his veins. I was trying to get him to eat something other than his normal rotation of favorites and he’s suddenly hooked on breaded hotdogs on a stick. And who wouldn’t be, they are absolutely delicious!
My favorite recently developed Wii-action (that’s reaction with a Wii…I’m so clever) is that we must cross our arms in an “X” every time one of us throws a strike and then bump chests. Post-bump giggling is optional but seldom avoided. We’re having a great time and he’s being very cooperative about the limitations we’re placing on the time we spend in such activities.
I was curious to see what else was out there for the system and he caught me watching videos of the forthcoming Mario Kart online. The cartoon racing game is so cool it comes with a steering wheel to play the game with. For the first time in his young life Aidan decided his piggy bank needed to be utilized so he could go to the store and buy it. I helped lower his hyperventilation and tried to distract him with other conversations. He’ll have to learn patience as the game is not out yet and I’m thinking a habit of spending our saved cash on such things is not the way to go. Well just have to get it for Rachel’s birthday…kidding…maybe.
In other news, Aidan’s new favorite food is corn dogs proving that there is indeed Iowa blood running through his veins. I was trying to get him to eat something other than his normal rotation of favorites and he’s suddenly hooked on breaded hotdogs on a stick. And who wouldn’t be, they are absolutely delicious!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Let the Games Begin
Aidan is very excited to have his own "Wii games" and got a little bowling time in with mom and dad tonight. He announced that he can't wait until Kellen goes to sleep each night. That’s the time he gets to pick his wind down activity…we were shocked to find out there’s a new number one choice in the house. I'm not sure the level to which he gets worked up constitutes winding down for the evening but it will be fun to interact with him in some high stakes virtual sporting nonetheless.
Tonight he beat his mother in an early trip to the lanes and rallied to beat me in the final of three bowling matches. After we had both lost to a four year old, Rachel asked if I was really trying in the last match and I admitted that I was indeed putting forth my best effort. You may recall he beat me soundly the first time we played on his uncle’s system.
Strangely the one who was most excited to get things hooked up was...Kellen! How does a one year old child instantly know what's going on when a sophisticated gaming system finds its way out of the box? Sure he's seen us play at Uncle Dave's house but to my knowledge has never participated and I didn’t know he was itching to get involved. After I hooked the system up to the TV and as Rachel and Aidan were working to get everything programmed and synced up, Kellen grabbed a controller. He began pointing it at the TV and waving it around showing he knew exactly what was going down and we had to fight him to get it back. Even before the controllers came out he stood looking at the menu on the screen hooting and looking back at us as if to say, "Hey you guys...we've got a Wii here!"
Children's memories can be downright scary. A one year old instantly knowing what's going on and going through all the right motions is absolutely mind boggling. Kellen had to concede to a bath and bed time. I had no idea I was going to have to compete against two pint sized prodigies so I snuck in a couple of rounds (four or five?) of bowling after hours and will now be icing my shoulder before I head for bed.
Tonight he beat his mother in an early trip to the lanes and rallied to beat me in the final of three bowling matches. After we had both lost to a four year old, Rachel asked if I was really trying in the last match and I admitted that I was indeed putting forth my best effort. You may recall he beat me soundly the first time we played on his uncle’s system.
Strangely the one who was most excited to get things hooked up was...Kellen! How does a one year old child instantly know what's going on when a sophisticated gaming system finds its way out of the box? Sure he's seen us play at Uncle Dave's house but to my knowledge has never participated and I didn’t know he was itching to get involved. After I hooked the system up to the TV and as Rachel and Aidan were working to get everything programmed and synced up, Kellen grabbed a controller. He began pointing it at the TV and waving it around showing he knew exactly what was going down and we had to fight him to get it back. Even before the controllers came out he stood looking at the menu on the screen hooting and looking back at us as if to say, "Hey you guys...we've got a Wii here!"
Children's memories can be downright scary. A one year old instantly knowing what's going on and going through all the right motions is absolutely mind boggling. Kellen had to concede to a bath and bed time. I had no idea I was going to have to compete against two pint sized prodigies so I snuck in a couple of rounds (four or five?) of bowling after hours and will now be icing my shoulder before I head for bed.
I wish I could say these photos are staged but Kellen has made it known that he's serious about getting involved and ready to take over as house gaming champion!
UPDATE: My practice session last night has me feeling embarrassed this morning. Aidan and I snuck in a few rounds during Kellen's nap and I lost all three. My grandiose best score of 190 from last night was topped by Aidan on his first attempt this morning with a 214.
UPDATE 2: My buddy who’s owned the Wii for much longer than we (too many Wii/we’s?) informed me today that he’s never broken 200. I am now less filled with shame at being schooled by my son and am now feeling more pride for his special gift.
UPDATE 3: My wife just bowled a 204 on her first game of the day. I am again filled with shame. I will not let Kellen touch the system in fear of placing last in the family bowling tournament.
UPDATE 4: Driven by an unhealthy obsession to match my spouse and four-year old child in meaningless virtual bowling scores, I have honed my craft into the late hours of the night and have earned a 233. I am now the king…and filled with much shame that I would strain my shoulder and forego much needed sleep to achieve this mark. Perhaps I should put myself on Wii probation after just two days. I promise not to mention my score to Aidan…maybe Rachel.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Kellenisms (Part Deux)
Now that I’m listening for them I’m catching more and more Kellen speak. What used to sound like random chattering has some occasional clarity to it. I mentioned previously that he would walk to his room for a diaper change on request. Now I’m noticing that if his diaper needs exchanging and you ask “do you stink?” he’ll waddle to his room saying “stinky, stinky”.
We made another trip to the park yesterday and he’s loving the swing, the slides (with assistance of course) and all the action going on around him. Time to dig out some shoes for this boy so he can explore the great outdoors!
Kellen gets excited about a lot of things including bath time and trips outside but the list is still topped by eating. He’s getting more discriminatory in where he goes for food. “Kellen, are you hungry?” is met with a trip to the fridge (the trick it opening the door without him lunging in) while “Kellen, do you want a snack?” is followed by a sauntering walk to the snack cupboard (followed by grabbing something and letting out a victory yell).
He’s becoming a better climber mounting the kid’s picnic table in no time when you turn your head for the shortest moment. I also caught him using my random-things-I-take-with-me-when-I-travel bag (magazines, books, etc) to climb on top of the end table in the living room. The end table that’s missing it’s glass top (yes, we’re still unpacking) currently serves as his own personal club house.
We made another trip to the park yesterday and he’s loving the swing, the slides (with assistance of course) and all the action going on around him. Time to dig out some shoes for this boy so he can explore the great outdoors!
Kellen gets excited about a lot of things including bath time and trips outside but the list is still topped by eating. He’s getting more discriminatory in where he goes for food. “Kellen, are you hungry?” is met with a trip to the fridge (the trick it opening the door without him lunging in) while “Kellen, do you want a snack?” is followed by a sauntering walk to the snack cupboard (followed by grabbing something and letting out a victory yell).
He’s becoming a better climber mounting the kid’s picnic table in no time when you turn your head for the shortest moment. I also caught him using my random-things-I-take-with-me-when-I-travel bag (magazines, books, etc) to climb on top of the end table in the living room. The end table that’s missing it’s glass top (yes, we’re still unpacking) currently serves as his own personal club house.
The Wii Has Landed!
So I was reading a blog for Gen X moms (you wouldn’t believe me but it was linked to a sports blog and I clicked to see what a concerned dad might also need to know and…o.k., enough with defending myself)… Anyways, I saw an entry on kids and video games. How appropriate that this finds me the day after the elusive Wii landed in our hands.
If you’re not familiar, the Wii is a video gaming system based highly on motion rather than simply sitting and clicking buttons. The idea is when you bowl, play baseball or jump in the boxing ring you actually make the motions with the controller in your hands. This keeps you active instead of creating a you-sized divot in the couch.
The Wii is a gift from a friend we’ll call Bob (that is his name after all). Bob caught wind of Aidan having a great time playing on his Uncle Dave’s system and wanted to help ease the transition of our move thinking Aidan would deem it a cool place to live if his Minnesota house had a Wii in it. Like many around the country Bob thought acquiring this system would be much easier than it was (if you wish to avoid a big markup on eBay). He soon set out on the difficult journey of procuring this elusive gaming treasure.
Most of these Wii hunts end with… "and I walked into Target at just the right time" unless an anxious soul chooses to stalk a Best Buy or Toys R Us by braving the elements and camping out on a Sunday morning. Ours came via an exotic tale involving Bob’s generosity and business connections along with the Wii taking a ride on a corporate jet into Minneapolis yesterday.
Aidan already likes Bob and this gift likely cements his status as the absolute coolest guy in Minnesota. Funny thing is Bob’s in Chicago this week so we’re keeping it under wraps until he returns this weekend. I’m thinking the unveiling will make for some good video and the gifter certainly needs to be in attendance.
We will be sure to limit the time we spend gaming with Aidan (back to Gen Ex mom’s blog). He’s quite into games on the internet, my Playstation and anything else he can get his hands on and we are practicing moderation in these activities. I claim to still play so I can stay sharp enough to compete with my children when they start playing seriously…that time is rapidly progressing. I’ve been amazed at how quickly Aidan picks up on these things and in all honesty I think his parents are as excited as he will be with this new development.
Let the (Wii) games begin…almost.
If you’re not familiar, the Wii is a video gaming system based highly on motion rather than simply sitting and clicking buttons. The idea is when you bowl, play baseball or jump in the boxing ring you actually make the motions with the controller in your hands. This keeps you active instead of creating a you-sized divot in the couch.
The Wii is a gift from a friend we’ll call Bob (that is his name after all). Bob caught wind of Aidan having a great time playing on his Uncle Dave’s system and wanted to help ease the transition of our move thinking Aidan would deem it a cool place to live if his Minnesota house had a Wii in it. Like many around the country Bob thought acquiring this system would be much easier than it was (if you wish to avoid a big markup on eBay). He soon set out on the difficult journey of procuring this elusive gaming treasure.
Most of these Wii hunts end with… "and I walked into Target at just the right time" unless an anxious soul chooses to stalk a Best Buy or Toys R Us by braving the elements and camping out on a Sunday morning. Ours came via an exotic tale involving Bob’s generosity and business connections along with the Wii taking a ride on a corporate jet into Minneapolis yesterday.
Aidan already likes Bob and this gift likely cements his status as the absolute coolest guy in Minnesota. Funny thing is Bob’s in Chicago this week so we’re keeping it under wraps until he returns this weekend. I’m thinking the unveiling will make for some good video and the gifter certainly needs to be in attendance.
We will be sure to limit the time we spend gaming with Aidan (back to Gen Ex mom’s blog). He’s quite into games on the internet, my Playstation and anything else he can get his hands on and we are practicing moderation in these activities. I claim to still play so I can stay sharp enough to compete with my children when they start playing seriously…that time is rapidly progressing. I’ve been amazed at how quickly Aidan picks up on these things and in all honesty I think his parents are as excited as he will be with this new development.
Let the (Wii) games begin…almost.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
VIDEO: Aidan's First Movie
We’re experimenting today with all the fun stuff we can add to our page.
Aidan wanted to give it a shot with the video camera today (his first time unassisted) and this is the final product.
Aidan wanted to give it a shot with the video camera today (his first time unassisted) and this is the final product.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Travumentaries Flashback: "Surviving the Stone"
I'm cleaning out my files with material from the old site and came across this medical retrospective. I share this today for two reasons. First, it appears to be that all important fourth anniversary of such a significant historical event. Second, I embrace the opportunity to share things from my life that are slightly embarrassing if I feel it has entertainment value or could bring a smile to someone else.
Surviving the Stone
April 2004
“Am I not too young for this?”
That was my first question upon learning I had a kidney stone. Actually it was my second. My first question (or maybe it was more of a suggestion) was regarding the possibility that it may be my appendix flaring up. A battle with a problematic appendix would surely bring more sympathy than a kidney stone. More cards and flowers, maybe even a balloon or two.
A bout with a kidney stone brought just what I thought it would. Many repetitions of “I’m sorry to hear that. I heard they’re not fun.”
Not fun? A 40-minute near death experience in a Denny’s men’s room at 10:00 in the evening requires something more descript. Although I’m not quite sure how to describe it myself now that I ponder backwards. I knew nothing but the surety that something evil was lurking inside of me and I wasn’t sure exactly when, if and how it would be exiting my person. I did fear an obituary ending with “and it all ended in the Denny’s men’s room” was certainly not the grand finale I would like to have written.
After forty minutes in the lavatory. I exited looking like I was surely up to mischief or heavy drinking behind closed doors. I had entered this fine dining establishment looking sharp. I was, after all, returning from the office with suit pants, dress shirt and tie in tact. My exit had me wide-eyed, striped down to an untucked white undershirt with a combination of sweat and tap water glazing my face and highlighting my hair. I had cheated death and would try to continue my journey home.
I made it about halfway. That’s when I stopped at my second restaurant, a Wendy’s, and called for backup. I told Rachel I would be the sweating, scraggly looking guy in the Wendy’s parking lot breathing heavily behind fogged windows. My foresight was perfectly accurate.
The remainder of the two week saga was not nearly as exciting. I joked with Rachel and the nurses in the emergency room until the morning hour of three knowing that expiration was not near and that sympathy was in short supply for the guy with the stone. “I’m sorry. I heard they’re not fun.”
I spent the better part of two weeks submitting to X-rays, straining my bodily fluids and glimpsing into my future fifty some years from now. I now know what walking, moving and peeing will be like when I reach my Golden Years.
And alas I am back to normal. Feeling fine without the assistance of drugs and free from the constriction of foreign medical objects in places I would rather not discuss. Two weeks forced vacation with my new young son and his mother was more welcome than the circumstances for my sabbatical.
Now if I could just convince Rachel of what so many mothers and fellow stone survivors have told me. Many have suggested that the experience of a kidney stone was more painful than childbirth including my grandmother who had eight (children, not stones). Rachel’s not buying and I would not wish the same experience on my worst enemy. I’m also quite certain that the miracle of childbirth is in my personal medical future.
Surviving the Stone
April 2004
“Am I not too young for this?”
That was my first question upon learning I had a kidney stone. Actually it was my second. My first question (or maybe it was more of a suggestion) was regarding the possibility that it may be my appendix flaring up. A battle with a problematic appendix would surely bring more sympathy than a kidney stone. More cards and flowers, maybe even a balloon or two.
A bout with a kidney stone brought just what I thought it would. Many repetitions of “I’m sorry to hear that. I heard they’re not fun.”
Not fun? A 40-minute near death experience in a Denny’s men’s room at 10:00 in the evening requires something more descript. Although I’m not quite sure how to describe it myself now that I ponder backwards. I knew nothing but the surety that something evil was lurking inside of me and I wasn’t sure exactly when, if and how it would be exiting my person. I did fear an obituary ending with “and it all ended in the Denny’s men’s room” was certainly not the grand finale I would like to have written.
After forty minutes in the lavatory. I exited looking like I was surely up to mischief or heavy drinking behind closed doors. I had entered this fine dining establishment looking sharp. I was, after all, returning from the office with suit pants, dress shirt and tie in tact. My exit had me wide-eyed, striped down to an untucked white undershirt with a combination of sweat and tap water glazing my face and highlighting my hair. I had cheated death and would try to continue my journey home.
I made it about halfway. That’s when I stopped at my second restaurant, a Wendy’s, and called for backup. I told Rachel I would be the sweating, scraggly looking guy in the Wendy’s parking lot breathing heavily behind fogged windows. My foresight was perfectly accurate.
The remainder of the two week saga was not nearly as exciting. I joked with Rachel and the nurses in the emergency room until the morning hour of three knowing that expiration was not near and that sympathy was in short supply for the guy with the stone. “I’m sorry. I heard they’re not fun.”
I spent the better part of two weeks submitting to X-rays, straining my bodily fluids and glimpsing into my future fifty some years from now. I now know what walking, moving and peeing will be like when I reach my Golden Years.
And alas I am back to normal. Feeling fine without the assistance of drugs and free from the constriction of foreign medical objects in places I would rather not discuss. Two weeks forced vacation with my new young son and his mother was more welcome than the circumstances for my sabbatical.
Now if I could just convince Rachel of what so many mothers and fellow stone survivors have told me. Many have suggested that the experience of a kidney stone was more painful than childbirth including my grandmother who had eight (children, not stones). Rachel’s not buying and I would not wish the same experience on my worst enemy. I’m also quite certain that the miracle of childbirth is in my personal medical future.
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