Smiles a Mile High (Part Two)

I’ll admit I’m not a big pet person but I can understand the desire to make your creature comfortable. I may dispute the desirability of the The Indoor Dog Restroom though. Even if your canine pal is attracted by the advertised organic scent I don’t think doing his business in the house helps prevent odors in any way. I also challenge the suggestion that clean up is oh so easy. Is a 30” by 20” tray that holds up to two gallons of doggy wiz that easy to saunter out to the lawn with? Sounds a little cumbersome and more than potentially disgusting to me. And if you really love that little furball why not invest in the Canine Genealogy Kit on the following page. "Rex…looks like your daddy was the stray mutt that was wondering through the neighborhood in the Summer of ’04. Guess your great grandpa didn’t come through Ellis Island on the boat after all."

Perhaps these items are of some appeal to the right audience but who’s asking for a stainless steel wallet? And will the rough and tumble NASCAR fans really buy ion/magnetic bracelets featuring their favorite drivers? You could get those things caught on your Truck Antlers or your Animated Hitch Critter!

But who doesn’t want to save a little money when they can? So when you’re reminded that “lawn services charge a mint for this service” you start listening. Why would you pay those inflated fees for professional lawn aeration when you can just strap on the Lawn Aerator Sandals and do it yourself? Why not? Because even at the unimaginably low price of $12.99 having 26, inch and a half spikes on the bottom of your shoes is just asking for some severely twisted ankles. Walking every square foot of your lawn with these joint busting spears attached to your toes may be even more difficult when you realize they are not even shoes…they’re sandals! You are going to need a good foot massage after that…

Good thing the Sky Mall is selling The Acu-Point Therapy Foot Massager! There is something making me very hesitant to try this modern marvel. It appears by the foot diagram that this handy little gadget has the healing power to alter the course of both my ascending and transverse colon. I’m not sure I’m strapping anything to my foot that massages that deep! There’s got to be an easier way to ease my post-aeration pain. How about the Aculife Therapist Deluxe with the tag line “Be your own acupuncturist”. How about no! It suggests healing yourself and your whole family…but not if you’re under three years old. Oh…and not if you’re prone to excessive bleeding either. I’m thinking that might be the end result of most self-healing, amateur acupuncturist efforts.